salam.
it's already more than two months since mama went 'there'. too many changes happened to my family. abah is now a single parent, widad and hanan no more staying with us in perak, they were both now in putrajaya staying with pakngah, only abah, kausar and me still staying in perak now. this house is so much quite than ever. but later, when the semester is back again, there will be only abah and kausar in this house. that thought already gives me so much worry.
indeed, it was so hard to accept those changes, espeacially the fact that widad and hanan staying far from us. but no matter what, all of us have to make the best decision for now and of course for the future too. we have to decide and act rationally. all of us have to be stronger.
every single thing, including the air that we breath in, all belong to HIM. nothing is belong to us in this world. we just borrow it from HIM. no, in fact, we were given to borrow all these (the thing that we have now) from HIM by HIS mercy.
the same goes to mama. she was also once borrowed to us by HIM. now, she went back to HIM the one who own her.
this is how i managed to comfort myself when i was alone in the schipol airport,amsterdam, receiving the news of mama while waiting for the flight back to malaysia. until now, i still use this to comfort myself everytime i get down.
i don't want all these things happened makes me a weaker person. so i try so hard to be strong. of course, there are so many times i fall apart, so many tears i have shed. to realize that this house has no more queen, it gives a big pain. but i know, she is there. somewhere, in a better place in the other world, di alam yang lain. that makes our love never change. sampai bila bila.
as for now, the best thing to do is try the best to be a good daughter. even she is not here anymore, there are many ways for me to be one.
abah once said, life is going on, appreciate things that we have now. be grateful.
indeed, i am grateful enough to have such a strong abah and brothers, supportive and understanding family and friends, all nice people around me. till sometimes i feels like i don't deserve this all. but of course, i am grateful. HE is the one who gives me these people around me.
i don't know why i'm writing this here. not asking for any sympathy, really.
i know that pray is the best way to say all the things in your heart. and having a talk about this with someone you trust also might be useful, but i prefer writing this here, just because i am kind of person who don't talk about things like this to others, i usually keep things alone, not sharing much. that's why.
till the next entry, au revoir.
